It has been many, many months since I have written here on my blog. I have to watch everything I say and do anymore…I am struggling with my long-term disability company. They don’t feel that I am disabled any longer. Now, Social Security says I am disabled but the insurance company doesn’t feel that I am…
Let me explain a little about my problems…I am hoping and praying that I can find someone out there that may have gone through, or is going through, this same mess that I am. (Not that I would wish any of my issues on anyone!!!)
You see, I have dealt with pain and health issues since I was born really. It wasn’t until I was about 13 that the pain began to really bother me. That was 40 years ago!
I started with back pain. The doctors would always say it was “growing” pains. Growing up, I had mostly male friends. There weren’t many girls around. I wasn’t the type child who liked to play with dolls and such. I wanted to play football, baseball, dodge ball, and just outdoor things. If the boys were weight lifting, I wanted to lift more. I didn’t care…if they could do it, I could do it better! Of course, I ended up building muscles. Too many muscles. I had to stop eventually, I was getting the “wrong” shape for a girl!!! Then, along with the back aches, I was getting pain in my legs. Once again, the doctors said…Growing Pains.
As the years went on, I married, got pregnant, and had a child (only carried him 28 weeks). It wasn’t long after having my son that the doctor said I needed to have a hysterectomy. Cervical cancer…. I was blessed. At 22, I had the surgery, and the doctor was able to get all the cancer. I didn’t have to go through any other treatments.
From here, my health went down hill. Many, many surgeries..Mostly abdominal but each surgery fixed the problem at hand. Now, during all this time, I experienced back and leg pain. This time, since I wasn’t growing any longer, it was just muscles…I probably did too much!
I would be given muscle relaxers and a pain pill, then sent on my way!
Through the years, I divorced and remarried. My wonderful, second husband, helped me raise my son, while we were raising his son. The boys were great. They acted like brothers from day one. I tried to do as much with them as I could since my husband was working six days a week. As they grew up and graduated high school, I decided to go back to school to do what I had always wanted to do….become a Nurse.
My dreams were met when I passed my boards in July of 2001. I was a Registered Nurse!!! Such a wonderful thing. I started working at Johns Hopkins on the cancer floor. I just loved my job, my patients and fellow employees. My mother got sick while on vacation in Florida. I came home and packed a bag, got my sister and left for Florida. My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. End result, adenocarcinoma. I got mom and dad home in February, mom passed away June 3, 2002. I started working in the operating room at my local hospital. It was such a wonderful job. I loved it, until…..April, 2005, the neurosurgeon took me out of work, on bed rest. In June, 2005, I had my first back surgery. I wasn’t new to surgery, and not to spinal surgery. I had previously had two cervical (neck) surgeries, with fusions.
Anyway, my first back surgery went well. I felt better. Leg pain was gone. I wanted to go back to work…my doctor wasn’t quite ready for me to do that so I walked, and walked, and did all the therapy I was supposed to do. Things were going wonderful, until…November, I was leaning over the coffee table, went to get up, when something “popped”. My sister’s took me to the hospital. I was in so much pain…Long story short, in October of 2006, another back surgery. Now, I have rods from L3 – SI….almost my entire lumbar spine.
Since this time I have had jaw surgery, three right hip surgeries, two right shoulder surgeries, and a pace maker…Now that is NINE surgeries in six years…I have lots of pain!!!!
I have searched, and searched for a doctor to figure out WHY am I still in pain? Why is most of the pain on my right side??? Why do I have some days, even weeks that I can’t walk? Some times I’m in bed for days at a time. I will fall anytime, no warning… there are times when I have to use a cane, other times I don’t. Some days I feel like I can do anything, however, these days are rare. The problem is, I end up doing too much, then I’m back down again.
I take so many medications just so I can function. If I take all I’m supposed to take, I can’t drive or do much of anything without someone watching me. If I don’t take all the medication, I have pain.
SO, WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS?????
I couldn’t pass a drug test if I wanted to. How can I get a job??? I can’t function if I don’t take the pills. How can I get a job???
I know I am not the only person out there that has had all the X-rays, MRI’s, CT Scans, EMG’s, and any other test known to man, only to be told that I have “Chronic Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Ostepenia, Chronic Fatigue, and all sort of Degeneration processes!
On top of all this, I am still trying to fight with the insurance company about getting my disability reinstated. Of course, any money I get will probably go to the lawyer but maybe, just maybe I will start getting my monthly check. That will at least help with the bills. I’m telling you, I am almost at my wit’s end. Notice I said ALMOST. I have to fight this mess, one way or another, I am going to figure this problem out.
If there is anyone out there going through similar problems, please let me know. I will not believe the doctors when they say I am “one of a kind”. I have offered to be put in a study but I’m told there isn’t one for the things I’m going through. At this point and time in my life, I am willing to go to California if I have to. I don’t care where it is, if there is a Doctor with any idea what could be going on
Thank you all for listening to me…I just have to vent sometimes. I know it doesn’t do any good, but it really does make me feel better!!!
Take care, and have a wonderful day! I love to hear any and all comments!!!!! 🙂