I’m back!

Folks,  I know it’s been a while.  Far too long actually.  Yesterday was the first post I have made in, well, I don’t know when.  I could look it up but I really don’t care to!  LOL

Anyway, here is my point.  I have been on so many medications, had so many health problems, been to so many doctors, had so many diagnosis, that my self-esteem has been in the potty.  My “happy-go-lucky self has just flew the coop!  People don’t, and can’t understand pain.  Unless you live it, you can not understand someone else’s pain.  Oh, you can say, I know what you mean, I had a broken leg last year. Or, I had my back operated on ten years ago, I know just what you are going through.  No, you don’t.  As I have learned here in the last nine years, NO YOU DON’T.  Nor do I!

Every person suffers pain differently.  No two people “feel” the same way, even if they have the “same” break, or the “same” surgery.  We are all DIFFERENT people.  Even depression is different for us all.  Some of us continue to function, but really aren’t ourselves.  Some of us just get quiet.  Then there are others that feel like they need to take their lives or the lives of others.  We are all different people.

My doctors had me on sooo many different medications.  Even though I go to Pain Management, and they are supposed to manage my pain, I still took many, many medications.  Of course, I had to take one because of the other, then this one because of those, and so on.  I even had to take some to enhance the others!  Only one of these medications is a narcotic, thank goodness.  Anyway, each medication seemed to run out at a different day.  I literally had one pill run out each day this week.  I made up my mind that I was NOT going to the pharmacy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to fill a prescription.  I would just do without.  I have had doctor appointments, therapy appointments and other places I have had to go.  I just didn’t want to have to drive 15 miles each way, every day just to get another pill!

Jane Carroll wrote, Bertha Size Your Life.  Such a GREAT motivational book, full of life lessons that are so simple.  I mean, it makes you scratch your head and ask yourself why you didn’t think of that!  The inspiration I got from this book and the second book (which isn’t out yet!!  Nanny, nanny boo boo, I’m getting to read it first!!!), has helped me more than either of these medications I have taken for all these nine years!!!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes, I have so many diagnosis’, mostly pain, and yes, they are going to be part of my life for the rest of my life.  BUT, they don’t have to CONTROL my life.  This is the hand that I have been dealt.  I firmly believe that the Lord has a plan, now what that is, I don’t know but he will let me know when it is time. (I hope!!)  But in the mean time, I have to pull up my pants and move on.  I can’t rely on medication or other people to make me feel better, only I can do that.  Yes, I’m going to have bad days, and that’s okay but I can NOT let them be the norm.  I can’t let these health issues become who I am.  They are just issues I have, not the person I was and am going to get back to!!!

I just don’t know that I could have gotten out of this depression I have been in had it not been for you Bertha!!!  Thank you Jane for getting her out of the closet!!!

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