I’m back!

Folks,  I know it’s been a while.  Far too long actually.  Yesterday was the first post I have made in, well, I don’t know when.  I could look it up but I really don’t care to!  LOL

Anyway, here is my point.  I have been on so many medications, had so many health problems, been to so many doctors, had so many diagnosis, that my self-esteem has been in the potty.  My “happy-go-lucky self has just flew the coop!  People don’t, and can’t understand pain.  Unless you live it, you can not understand someone else’s pain.  Oh, you can say, I know what you mean, I had a broken leg last year. Or, I had my back operated on ten years ago, I know just what you are going through.  No, you don’t.  As I have learned here in the last nine years, NO YOU DON’T.  Nor do I!

Every person suffers pain differently.  No two people “feel” the same way, even if they have the “same” break, or the “same” surgery.  We are all DIFFERENT people.  Even depression is different for us all.  Some of us continue to function, but really aren’t ourselves.  Some of us just get quiet.  Then there are others that feel like they need to take their lives or the lives of others.  We are all different people.

My doctors had me on sooo many different medications.  Even though I go to Pain Management, and they are supposed to manage my pain, I still took many, many medications.  Of course, I had to take one because of the other, then this one because of those, and so on.  I even had to take some to enhance the others!  Only one of these medications is a narcotic, thank goodness.  Anyway, each medication seemed to run out at a different day.  I literally had one pill run out each day this week.  I made up my mind that I was NOT going to the pharmacy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to fill a prescription.  I would just do without.  I have had doctor appointments, therapy appointments and other places I have had to go.  I just didn’t want to have to drive 15 miles each way, every day just to get another pill!

Jane Carroll wrote, Bertha Size Your Life.  Such a GREAT motivational book, full of life lessons that are so simple.  I mean, it makes you scratch your head and ask yourself why you didn’t think of that!  The inspiration I got from this book and the second book (which isn’t out yet!!  Nanny, nanny boo boo, I’m getting to read it first!!!), has helped me more than either of these medications I have taken for all these nine years!!!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes, I have so many diagnosis’, mostly pain, and yes, they are going to be part of my life for the rest of my life.  BUT, they don’t have to CONTROL my life.  This is the hand that I have been dealt.  I firmly believe that the Lord has a plan, now what that is, I don’t know but he will let me know when it is time. (I hope!!)  But in the mean time, I have to pull up my pants and move on.  I can’t rely on medication or other people to make me feel better, only I can do that.  Yes, I’m going to have bad days, and that’s okay but I can NOT let them be the norm.  I can’t let these health issues become who I am.  They are just issues I have, not the person I was and am going to get back to!!!

I just don’t know that I could have gotten out of this depression I have been in had it not been for you Bertha!!!  Thank you Jane for getting her out of the closet!!!

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Change

THANKS TO JANE CARROLL’S , “BERTHA SIZE YOUR LIFE” I can honestly say, Bertha certainly has had an impact on me…
Read below and you will understand:

I’m getting older. Life is moving on. I’m sitting, laying, reading, watching television, doing nothing. Why? Pain. Sleepy. The main reason? I think I’m feeling sorry for myself. Then, out of the blue, I meet Bertha. What a wild lady. Now she knows how to live.

As we age, there are always going to be those days when we just don’t feel like doing much, and that’s okay. Just don’t let it become a habit. Getting older is just another phase in “growing up”. The children leave, get married, have children of their own, come back home, leave again, and the cycle continues. Bertha would tell you to STOP. Do what is right for you. If you want the kids back home, that’s YOUR choice. If you don’t, tell them to stand on their own two feet just like you have had to do.

If you want to get your hair cut, (simple thing I know), do it. Don’t get it “trimmed” because your significant other will get mad, get it cut! So guess what???? I did! And I mean I got it cut. The gal shaved the back of my head! She asked me if I got the back shaved. I told her yes, thinking she meant the neck. I have so much trouble with the heat (you gals know the age!!) so I get the neck shaved down. Well, she shaved me from the neck UP. Oh dear Lord. I knew my husband would have a fit. Sure enough, he was as mean as a snake for a week. I finally had to put my foot down and explain to him that it was HAIR. For the Lord’s sake, it will grow back but for now, this was the way it will be. And truth be told, I may keep it that way. Bertha would like that…

I came home yesterday with my new glasses. Bertha, you really will like these. They are larger, purple front, and leopard print sides, plastic frames. Do you think that started something? Whew, my husband doesn’t handle change at all. You know those homes that have the wagon wheels at the end of the driveways? Well, I should have them there. Meaning, the wagon broke down and that’s where we stayed. My husband has lived in three places in his 59 years. He has lived with his parents, his first wife, and here with me. He has worked two jobs, the company he is with now, and then had his own business, and then the company he worked for begged him to come back, so he did. So, you can see, change isn’t his thing. Okay, back to the glasses, he looked at me, shook his head, and said, “I didn’t like those type glasses when they were in style years ago, and I don’t like them now.” I looked him square in the face and said, “I’m sorry, but I do”. He asked me what in the world was going on with me here lately. I told him I was listening to Bertha. He wanted to know who in the hell was Bertha! I just laughed. I told him, she was just a new friend of mine. He told me she was certainly causing me to act like I did years ago. “Is that a bad thing”, I asked. “Well, no, I guess, it’s just that you have been in the bed, laying around on the couch, not really doing much for so long because you feel so bad that I’m a little confused.” I explained that I have decided that I can do what I have been doing; getting the same result or I can put on my big girl panties on and move. I have many disease processes going on and I have to live with them. I can let them define me or I can return to the person I was, enjoy life and rest when I need to, move when I can, and push myself just a little more. Hopefully, that will give me more energy, strengthen my bones and muscles, and cause my self-worth to improve. (Hey Bertha, how do you like that?)

I was out and about all day yesterday. I had so many doctor appointments; it should be against the law. What happened to the days when you went to one doctor, he told you what was wrong, treated you, and sent you on your merry way? Good grief, now, you go to one for a sniffle, one for a backache, one for a stomach ache, one for a headache, and so on. I have to see a neurologist for the migraines, a rheumatologist for the osteoporosis and chronic fatigue, an orthopedist for the pulled ligaments, sprains, and breaks, primary for the blood work for the thyroid and blood cell counts, and pain management for the chronic pain and reflex sympathy dystrophy, or do I see the orthopedist for that, hmmm, guess I better check on that. Anyway, there isn’t a calendar large enough for all these appointments. Oh, and in between all this, I have to go to physical therapy. I have to pay someone to move my ankle from side to side and around in a circle! I don’t get it. Really, I can do that at home but nooooo, I might do it wrong! How can you do it wrong? I need to talk to Bertha. I know she will have an answer for me.

My sister said to me this morning that she missed the old me. She liked the me that on a whim would just take off on a road trip. I told her she was coming back. I just had to get a week when I didn’t have four doctor appointments. I had told her about my new friend and she told me I needed to talk with her. She said you know what Bertha would do. She would just cancel them for a week. What are you going to miss out on, spending all that money is all. All those doctors are going to do is take your money, tell you they think you are doing good since last week and they will see you in three weeks. In three weeks, they are just going to say the exact same thing, unless another problem arises. Oh my goodness, I hope not. Enough is enough. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that the Lord doesn’t give us any more than what we can handle. I hope he knows that I am at my limit. I may not find out why I have been dealt this hand until I meet with him but you best believe I’m going to be in the front of the line and that is going to be my first question, “Why?”

Now, I’m not the type to dwell on all the surgeries and stuff. After all, they fixed me up. I mean, I’ve had 30+ in my years. Ten or so in the last nine years but they fixed problems. People ask me all the time how in the world I handle having to go through so much. Trust me, that isn’t the problem. The surgeries I have had have been easy for me. The major ones took a little longer to get through but I did and haven’t had problems since. I don’t look at those as a bad thing. (See, I do listen Bertha) It’s when the doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong so they send you to another doctor, then they send you to another, then another…. But, like I said, I guess as long as I go to all these “specialist”, I guess my problems will all be taken care of.

In the meantime, I am going to “change”. I am going to go back to the “real” me. I am going to remember who I used to be, the person I used to like, the class clown, the helpful, take care of those less fortunate person and STOP the “whoa” is me attitude. And all of this “attitude” change is thanks to Bertha, my new best friend.

Finally Friday

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  Without going into a lot, I’ve had a lot going on!!  But today I really want to get opinions from everyone.  I know I’m old, but I really do want to know the majority’s opinion.  Please remember, this is just a study I’m doing personally.  I am not saying anyone is right or wrong…  Inquiring minds want to know!!!  Okay, here goes….

 

Should people post their every move on FB???  Do we really care if someone went to the bathroom today?  And, when someone does respond to their post, should the person get mad? 

In my opinion, and it’s only an opinion, there are some things that just don’t need to be announced for the world to read.  I don’t think people need to know all of our personal information.  People can find out enough about us, any time they choose.

Then, when someone responds to our post, what gives us the right to get mad or upset?  We put it out there!  Now, I will admit, there are probably posts I’ve made that well, maybe I shouldn’t have.  You see, I have a problem with speaking before I think!!  But usually, if I post something about my personal life, it’s because I am asking for prayers.  I firmly believe in the power of prayer…Believe me people, it works!!!  I really appreciate when people message me and tell me that I have gone too far with a post.  I then would promptly delete it!!  (I haven’t had to do that yet, but I would!!)

Please comment, let me know how you feel about this…  I am going to be charting the answers.  I think this would be wonderful information for everyone!!!

Thanks, friends, in advance for all your help!!!

Monday…again???

Folks…do you all realize that we are never to old to learn??? Really??? When we get in our ruts, as we all do, take up a different hobby. No one is too old to learn a new skill, no matter how big or small. As this world continues to move so fast (you know I’m old), we sometimes forget that if we don’t take care of ourselves, well, who else is going to??? I have many, many different hobbies. Years and years ago, I thought I was going to one day become a writer. I have always loved to write, stories are constantly running around in my head! I knew that writing wasn’t going to pay the bills so, of course, it got put on the back burner. Since 2005, I have had many health issues which have kept me from working. About five years ago, I thought what the heck. I was going to give this writing thing a try. At first I didn’t work on it every day, sometimes months would go by before I would pick it up again. I had a friend who helped me out by suggesting different ways to say things I wanted to say. Again, I let things go for almost another year. What I’m doing now is writing everyday. I may not write much but at least I work on it. I have joined a group, Masterkoda. The “leader of the pack” is Kim Emerson. She is a wonderful, wonderful friend, teacher, mentor, and just all around good person. There are so many members that have “taken me under their wing” so to speak, that I can’t possibly list them all. My point to all of this is…DO SOMETHING! Don’t be afraid to step out and try something you have always wanted to do. Will I become a famous author? I seriously doubt it, do I care about that, NOT at all. Writing has become my therapy. I can forget all about the stress surrounding the world and get into my story. I guess I’m trying to get you all to find something you would like to do, take the first step, and just do it. It could be yoga, knitting, sewing, exercising, reading, or yes, even writing. There are people out there to help. I am finding that they really don’t mind helping me (even tho I know I’m a pain sometimes!!). Take care of you… Do for yourself…It will make you a better person in the long run, and more willing to do for other people!! Love to you all…Thank you so very much for reading my ramblings!!

Finally Friday!!!

I just want to remind everyone about how much your words and/or actions can change a person’s feelings.  We all live such busy lives but when you give someone a complement, do something for them without them asking, volunteer to help them with something, or just make an effort to say “hello, have a nice day”, you can change their entire mood.  We all get so wrapped up in what we are doing, or what we need to do and forget to do this. Life is so very short.  We don’t any want to say to ourselves that we wished we had gone to see “Aunt Judy” yesterday like we had planned to do and her pass away that night.  It’s too late then.  We don’t any know when our number will come up.  The older I get, the more I’m reading obituaries of people my age or that I know.  I’m not that old!!!  I guess I think we are all going to live to be 100! The other day I was trying to help my husband cut grass.  I was riding on one mower and my husband was pushing.  I got thinking how my mother would say, “I’m 55 years old, I’m too old to be doing that”.  I thought that was the craziest thing in the world for her to say!  (I lost my mother when she was only 65.)  Let me tell you, I had to stop.  I was so hot and tired.  I’m just not able to do little things that I once took for granted.  When did I get old?? Another thing, we don’t know everything going on in a person’s life.  There are those that are great at leaving their home life at home and work life at work.  This person could be having a terrible time at home and us never know it.  A kind word or gesture may just make their day! It’s like that story that has been told so many times about the child walking home from school.  He dropped his books and papers all over the ground when another child walked up and helped him pick everything up.  They became friends and when the boy spoke at their graduation from high school, he told the story about that day.  He had cleaned out his locker, written a note to his mother, and planned to take his life that very day.  The child who helped him couldn’t believe his ears.  All he did was help him pick up his things… We just never know how our actions can change another persons thoughts and/or actions! Okay, I’m going to stop “preaching” now!!  Just remember to give someone an “ataboy” or a helping hand today…you never know, you may save a life!!!

Suddenly Sunday!!

I know I have been slacking here lately but I’ve had so much on my mind, I just don’t know how to start!!

I have decided to be positive here today on this wonderful Sunday.  Sometimes I just worry myself over so many things that I just can’t control.  That’s just who I am!  I’m trying to cut much of that out.  So, on to some good news..

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends.  They keep me sane…if that’s possible, hehe….  My husband keeps me grounded and pushes me to do the things he knows I love to do but sometimes just put them to the side.  The one thing I truly love to do is write.  As you know I have one book published, Waking Up.  I know there are mistakes in this book, even though it was gone through many times, seems like some boo boo’s just slip through the cracks! Oh well, nobody is perfect.

Now, I am working on another manuscript.  “A Passage in the Dark”.  I paid a lot of money to have this book edited and I sent it to a “traditional” publisher, not before I had others read it.  Oh my, so many mistakes!! 

Over a year ago I was invited to join a writing group, Master Koda.  Oh my, what a wonderful, wonderful group of people.  There are writers, publishers, editors, book cover designers, and everyone in between!  Some people are published, others are not.  It doesn’t matter.  Everybody helps everyone else out.  Anyway, I am taking a writing workshop with the owner of MasterKoda, Kim Emerson, and after only one class I can tell you I have a lot to learn!  This class is going to be one of the best I have ever taken. (My husband said I should be a professional student!)  Due to just one class and what I learned from it, I have decided to rewrite my manuscript.  I will keep the “plot”, but I really do need to do so much “tweeking” that I think it will be much easier to rewrite instead of edit!  I have never had any formal classes in literature.  Just the normal classes you have to take with any degree.  I have just always written.  From a young girl in elementary school. 

I guess my whole point it, we need to all do what is in our heart.  It doesn’t matter how old or young we are.  If you have always wanted to play the piano, take lessons, if you have always wanted to sing, take singing lessons, if you have always wanted to write, do it!!! 

I believe we were all put here on earth for a reason.  We have minds of our own and we need to do what is in our heart.  Use the talents the good Lord gave us!!! Be thankful for what you have.  If you want something else, go for it.  You are never to old to go for it!!

Mystical Monday…

This blog may not be very interesting to many men, but who knows, maybe they will also understand “older” women a little better!!!

I don’t know how many of you have been through this but here goes…Menopause…Oh my goodness…I’m assuming that’s what’s going on with me, seeing that I am almost 55 and I had to have a hysterectomy at a very early age (22).  Anyway, the hot flashes, the mood swings, the irritability, the everything else that goes with it!

I can’t take a joke, or half way hear what is really being said.  What is a girl to do?  When, tell me when did I get this old??? 

My children don’t want to be around me, (I don’t know if I want them around either!), my husband is ready to ship me off, (I’m ready to go), my sisters say I’m being a b***h, (I guess I really am), and friends…well, they have kept their distance…  The truth is, I don’t blame any of them. 

On top of all of this, I’m having trouble with my bones again.  They get my lower back fixed up and my neck starts again.  When, Lord when, is this all going to end?  Am I the only one going through all this mess?  Of course, the pain is intensified due to this lack of patience I have had.  Nothing seems to make me very happy here lately. 

Oh well, I guess this to shall pass!!  I know I have to get off the whoa is me and put my big girl panties on and get moving.  (I just don’t know if that will be today or not!) hahahaha

Well, once again folks, I thank you so much for listening to my ranting!  Thanks for your ears (well, eyes!!). 

Hope you all have a nice day!